you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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