we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So here I am, sexting at work.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
