What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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