feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
