My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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