The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
