I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
