And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
