i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
