i wish starbucks made bloody marys
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
