he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
