I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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