My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
