bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
