If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
