I CAN MOONWALK!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
