Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
