It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
