i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
