You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
