she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im holly from the hills drunk
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
