My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
