I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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