I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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