yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
