i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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