The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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