When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
