if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
