Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
