I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
