I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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