Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
