Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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