he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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