Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
