goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
