So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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