More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
