I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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