i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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