my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
