I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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