wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You took a bar mat shot.
you had me at cake vodka
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
