Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
