I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you had me at cake vodka
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
