I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
