He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
