I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
