Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
