Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
